Reflections

Reiterating a disclaimer I placed somewhere in this site, this is first and foremorst a personal blog. That said, occasionally, I'm allowed to be vulnerable. So, here's something from my journal. I suppose I'll dread ever posting this here sometime in the future (perhaps I'm already dreading it now), but the inescapable fact is that it all felt very real when I wrote it. I can never allow hearing myself say the words but maybe it is at times when we are unable to say things that writing becomes an especially beautiful act -- syntax and semantics be damned.

Truth is, I'm disappointed, but then again, I guess that's what you get when you start expecting things without so much as a solid proof to justify your decision. Truth is, you set your heart out to be broken the moment you chose to open yourself up to someone whom, until recently, you thought could have been worth being brave for. Shit happens, then you move on. Because feelings or not, sooner or later, it becomes a necessity for you to do so.

Now the question is this: will crying help you? The kind where you lock yourself up in a bathroom and just breakdown, knowing that no one will ever know that you lost against life. Will you get angry? You can if you want; I promise I won't stop you. And I will think no less of you either. You deserve to know every possible way you could relieve yourself of the mess you got yourself into. I just hope that when you do eventually come off it, you're going to be a much better person than before.

It isn't okay, and I suppose it isn't meant to be. Now you know what sort of thing you're going to deal with every single time you even remotely start to consider being vulnerable. You deserve to be happy too; but save yourself some trouble next time and make better choices.